Tender Mercies

Today my heart isn't as heavy. This week has been strange for sure. But the happenings have not been coincidences as I'm beginning to believe more and more that coincidences are really tender mercies from our Heavenly Father.

A week after we found out that we would not be Victor's family I got a call from a friend. She felt the need to tell me that her husband knew the family that had adopted Victor. He worked with the father, but just that day had found out about the adoption. He was in shock as he realized that he knew both families. In the haste of summer traveling and visitors coming and going we had not yet been able to share the news that our family had not been selected. He went home from work in disbelief, but shared with his wife that this man was a kind and gentle soul. He likened him to one of our former bishops whom we all have great respect for.

As she shared this I felt that somehow this was a tender mercy. What are the odds that our friend would know both parties? The next night I went out with my friend who had called. As we talked and I shared with her my sadness, I also shared with her that I felt that somehow there was a reason her husband was connected to the both of us. She gave me the idea that we should write this family a letter. Her husband could give it to Victor's father the next day...he already needed to confront this man and share with him why he had reacted so funny to the news.

Matt and I talked about the possibility. But we decided we would only do it if we felt it would benefit both families involved. The letter would need to be written out of love and concern for both Victor and his new family. It could be the means of opening doors of understanding to the situation and help us to know what role we should play in Victor's life. And so we prayed about it. We asked to know if we should open those doors or let it rest. The answer was not immediately clear, so we slept on it. The next morning I had no question. Matt felt it could be a positive thing if it was handled correctly. So we wrote the letter. We spoke of our love for Victor and our respect for this family. We told them about our journey and how we now wondered what role we should play in Victor's life. We told them we would take a backseat if that's what they felt was best. We told them of our concerns regarding the state, and asked them if they felt they could share any part of their story. Maybe their insights could help us heal. It was honest and sincere.  Later that day our friend delivered it and explained to Victors father that he knew both of us. Victors father was emotional and thanked him for the letter.

The next day we had an e-mail from Victor's father. He shared that he understood what we were feeling and the reality of our experience. He said that he was grateful for the letter. He told us that at some later time he would be pleased to share with us some of the questions we needed answered. He expressed that he knew our efforts have not been in vain.

It was a comfort to hear from him. It honestly felt kind of surreal. Kind of like how this whole experience is feeling.

Last night was an open house for Victor at the church. A time to come and meet his new family and say good bye. I didn't want to go. Mostly because I was scared of how I would react. Eli asked if we could please go. He had two of Victor's books and a picture of the two of them together from a Halloween party that he wanted Victor to have. We had to go to the church anyways for a girls camp fireside. And the open house was to end right at the same time as the fireside was beginning. It was so hard. I had a break down in the hall way and went to the bathroom to sob it out. But I found some strength and went inside. We met Victor's new family. They were great. Really great. His father was very emotional. We talked and hugged. He said that they had been feeling like somebody was missing from their family and they felt compelled to adopt Victor. At least to try. Just like us. He promised us that they would raise Victor up in the gospel and that they would always love him. And he cried when he told us that one day they would tell Victor about us. He felt that Victor would gain great strength in knowing that he was loved and wanted by many.

My heart was healed. I feel much more at peace. I still don't understand why we felt so compelled to go down this road. I still am not quite sure what we are to do with this completed home study we have now. I still feel sadness in not having Victor as my son, because for 8 months I felt so strongly he was ours. But I do know that he is in a good home, with a family who will love and adore him. I don't doubt that.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that Victor will more than likely not be in our lives. Only in our hearts. One day he was here and the next he was not. One weekend he was here for two full days, going to Home Depot and 7-11 with us and the next he was transitioning into his new family. That's how sudden his move was. And that feels painful. But I can find peace in being able to envision his life with his new family. That's the tender mercy in having the opportunity to meet them.

This morning I found a plate of cookies and this quote from a sweet friend sitting on our front porch:

" The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss.
That which is taken away from those who love the 
Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it 
may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will 
know that every tear today will eventually be returned
a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.” 
― Joseph B. Wirthlin

I'm grateful for wonderful friends and family who have buoyed us up and surrounded us with their love.

They are our greatest tender mercies.

Does this not sound like something out of a movie or a really good book? I cannot believe this is the story of my life right now. Geesh.