I was able to speak with our case worker today. She was able to give a little bit of insight on why our family was not chosen.
I wish that our conversation would have been more healing. The tears have been abundant these last 4 days.
At the end of committee the woman in whose hands Victor's fate lay, was purely confused.
She felt that both families were very good matches. The committee agreed that it would be very beneficial for him to come to our family where he is already known and loved. The only concern was the number of children already in our home, but the committee felt that we had thoroughly thought that through and that we were prepared. They felt that the other family could provide him with more individualized attention being they only have one child left in their home. The rest have gone off to college. Both families would be an excellent choice. The committee members told the adoption placement specialist that she could not make a wrong choice.
So the decision, it seems, came to keeping him in the same community w/people he is already attached to vs. individualized attention.
And in this case individualized attention won.
But we still struggle that it was based on one womans opinion. How could she not see that in our family more kids just meant Victor would receive more love? I asked our caseworker why it's not put to a vote within the committee. She informed me that up until 2 years ago that is exactly how it was done. But for some reason the state changed their process.
It still seems that the things that were important to Victor (siblings he could play with) and the things the state said would be important ( the continuity factor) were not strongly taken into account.
Our case worker sent Victor's caseworker an e-mail, after she received the deciding e-mail, stating that she strongly felt that a wrong decision had been made. Why choose to make this child start all over in every way? She is devastated as well.
But all of our hands are tied. This woman got to make the final decision.
We are still praying for a miracle.
4 comments:
I'm glad that you have the answer but I'm sorry that the answer hurts. I am sure that he would have thrived in your home. Love to you and your family.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you guys. We haven't been in your exact situation, but we have been through the roller coaster that is adoption, and it surely brings the highest highs and lowest lows.
You guys are so awesome. So sorry you're going through this. So proud of you for clinging to each other and keepin the faith. Prayin for a miracle!! Love ya!
Praying for that miracle. Knowing how it was decided is almost worse since it seems like there was little logic. I've noticed people from smaller families often put too much focus on individualized attention. There's something awesome with larger families & playmates and a sense of community and stuff. I've been feeling frustrated as I've thought of you guys since reading your last post. I pray something happens!!
oh Tonya! I feel for you! That is heart wrenching. You guys are such an amazing family in so many ways. We will pray for you for either a miracle or hearts to heal, whichever the Lord has in mind for you at this time.
Thanks for coming over last night! We had a blast hanging out for a little while (and thanks for being patient with our little home), and for the present! We look up to you guys and hope for the best to come in your situation!!
Post a Comment